Expression at the Age of 21

"You screw yourself, because you like to think in this way... and dickhead that's what her friend call you. because you are sick ass. I don't think you are going to do that. You have tendency of violence. Are you really going to send to your friends, I am asking you. You never going to enjoy it, fat ass. One moment, we are loving each other... one moment we are just l.. you shut the fuck up... ok? I recommend you that ... why you are doing that? I am asking you why you doing that ... I don't like the way you do things, if you are going ... ok,if you are going to do this, we are not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend any more...see you later bohan, take care." -- Caroline Bojun Zhang, 1:00 AM 2003 - 07 - 31

I love the new blogger. Simple and straight forward. Now I am back to Founder. Every computer appears in the lecture theatre seems so good to me. Today I went on my first day of shooting. Though not arranged, turned out to be excellent with many good shots can be used in the movie. Interesting enough, in the beginning I was heavily worry about the hard disk space issue as 1 hour video .avi cost 15GB, how on earth I can manage to get those space. I have to thank windows media player which did a excellent job on it.

I have goals. I have goals. I am not feeling 100% now largely due to the 2900AU deal. In addition, because my lifestyle again become strange, as I did not eat home for three nights in a row. And you can imagine the pressure I got from my dad about that 15000 and 16000 interest issue. Below are my goals:

I want to finish the film. I must finish it.
I want to be the live performer, no matter how long it's going to take, if I don't do it now, I won't be able to do it forever.
I want 2 Dinstinction and 2 Credits.
I want 15000 Bank Balance on 31st December 2003.

I want I have regular exercises twice a week. (probably the easiest goal in all).

Those are my goals, I need to achieve them one by one using approriate plans. Right time management.
About reforming the groups, the fear and other uncertainty makes me feel ill. John Plaice is a bastard. Yes allow me. He doesn't care about the students, he doesn't care to help us learn, instead you can imagine, he is acting like a lunatic boss with lots of mean behaviours.

One thing I worried the most for my film is actually my English. Being the screen playwriter, to write something potentially hundreds people going to see isn't easy. And all is going to be done in 25 days. That's goal number one.

However on the way to achieve goal one, do not let things get in the way of achiving goal two and three, even four.
My words are over. Pray ebay is going to help me.

With only 1.5 days worth of Lectures and tutorials. 2 days a week study, 5 days a week rest. Amazing timetable, never happened before in my life. However this half year meant to be tough for me. To be frank, I am not sure if I can get that 2900AU back from someone named Alan, possibly a fake name. On the other hand, I need industrial placement and some mark to get myself a WAM of 65 and above. It's a shallow tide hiding the potential danger.

Harder yet, to confess my sins to my parents. I think about happy scrathies more often nowadays. I understand why people gamble, partially because they are desperate. As for me, a laptop into the water. I am still positive and I will keep it in this way. I will also influence the people around me to be +, in particular my love, Caroline. Let's see what can we achieve.

History is making fun of myself every single minutes. Just look what I wrote on 14 July. Well, I feel empty now as well. As a matter of fact even though my life become full of life shortly after 18th July, soon enough. It becomes empty again. To be exact 2900AU emptier. What an ironic story. Life has to go on, even though it will strike me sooner or later. Who likes pasta?

It was empty yesterday, now it become full of surpises. Powerbook is everywhere in my brain now. Not anything else. I just wish the buyers can pay faster. Caroline is upstairs watching Adolf Hitler. We had food in the city tonight. Met Vivian on the bus. Woof. Well, what's my plan tomorrow. Finally I decided to print all those pictures out. Yes all of them.

Empty. Still Empty. Tomorrow is the judgement day. I want to make it. A direct confrontation with Amir. I need to make it happen. Once I think I am over this issue. But it hangs there every now and then, it just won't go away let me concentrate on whatever I am doing. 1:30AM. 8 hours later, it will be it. Let me face it. As ACC chanel said, you have to have the right perspective. The right perspective makes things better. Magnify the positive. Trust in your Lord. I have to admit, it is just always there, this kind of feeling is different from all others. I will make it. Here I am praying. Not necessisarily to God as Liz told me. Just pray.